Shrove : The corpse and letting go

I am corpse from the past. I believe I am still here and writing nonsense in the blog because no one let me go! Its not that I have so many people who loved me and could not think of a world without my existence, rather it is my actions which made me unforgettable. It is my sins which made me stay and never allowed me to go. My heart stopped pumping yesterday or may be the day before (CAMUS? yeah I am not a good writer) how could I know? I am like many walking with a decomposed soul!

I think you have identified me. Its sweet thing that after a while after reading some nonsense suddenly it starts making sense. I know, I know its self reflection and I am part of you! You are facing the mirrored image.

You remember you lied? you lied to a person you felt most close to you? you remember you never kept promises which you should have? you remember your fickle nature killed so many souls and your too included?

I know you remembered...

Now let me say my story... I was alive and well... I was joyous, had dreams to make others happy... but unknowingly I was self centered. Nothing in this world was more important to me than myself. Can you identify two souls living with a single heart? Perhaps not. You need more explanation.

My first soul was the ideal soul - my expectation from me - to be happy, to make others happy, to be responsible, to be caring, to be sensitive and emotional who understands others!

My second soul was the real soul (of which I was long unaware) - I was not happy with myself and the way things were arranged, I never wanted others to be happy, I always looked for an excuse to escape from responsibilities, I never cared for others, I was not sensitive and emotional!

Now what killed my soul?

Its just the consciousness, yeah my awareness about the difference between my ideal and real soul killed my heart. It has stopped pumping - and yet I am here with decomposed soul, because nothing lets me go... I can not let me go