Showing posts with label well being. Show all posts
Showing posts with label well being. Show all posts

Monday, September 9, 2013

Longing for a home that never exists: (A)historical emotion and return of the repressed


When hostel students organise farewell and freshers' welcome, the hostels are usually transformed to a carnivalsque. It becomes upside down. Pupil suddenly becomes eager to confess, there are boundaries that get dissolved and people like Kaleidoscope often sees naked reality. So once in a programme like this, in a moment when Kaleidoscope's pupil were in a mood of confession, a young boy shouted "if you don't have brother don't make a dummy brother, if you don't have a sister don't make dummy sister." It suddenly opens a window, a nostalgic one where Kaleidoscope can see pupil's longing for a home that never really exist.

What might have happened:

Possibility I:
1. The guy had found a sister (highly probably) in a girl
2. The sisterhood continued for a while and it got broken up

Possibility: II
1. The guy was looking for a significant relationship in an otherwise manly hostel world and he finally ended up in getting a sister (and not a fiancee)
2. Eventually the girl realised the underground demand and they broke up

Possibility: III
1. The guy and girl both seek a significant relationship
2. They found each-other
3. At the end of the year either one (in this case probably it is the girl) got back to the lost home, went back to the real brother (or the sister, probably not in this case), hence eventual painful separation because "blood is thicker than the water."

Well Kaleidoscope can keep on listing numerous permutations and combinations of the possibilities. However, the bottom line is that there are people who continue to seek for the world that never really exist. Kaleidoscope would rather see this as a restorative effort of the people who are born in a nuclear family (or are compelled to live in a nucleus life), miss out relationships which are historically defined as important but absent. The reflective dimension of nostalgia is intertwined as Svetlana Boym sees it not as an individual sickness but a symptom of our age, a historical emotion. As the world evolves to modernity, worlds find new time and space coeval with it. A result of which is longing for not only a space but also for a time. Hence worlds are filled with ancient ghosts, people's restorative efforts and a heterotopic outcome. It is highly likely that it will call for more uncalled for carnivalsques engulfing Kaleidoscope in his restorative efforts and his longing for a imagined home. The hostel boy, the transformed spaces, vanishing places and juxtaposed and nucleus modernity do make a space for the return of nostalgia as repressed are often returned.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Monsoon in the wonderland

Kaleidoscope by virtue of his occupational status and affection to photography is finding wonderful locations to capture what Monsoon means to the people who surround his workplace. This post, Kaleidoscope is afraid to mention is going to offer only a few snaps to describe (and henceforth not to interpret or analyse) aspects of monsoons.

Plentiful:



Kaleidoscope along with others resides in a faculty quarter where outside encroachment often disturbs their sense of privacy, but in monsoon, Kaleidoscope and some others find it okay to watch and photograph these activities.









There is plenty for each of the encroachers...

Showing offs: 

Suddenly a romeo appears in now water logged playground...
Kaleidoscope does not know for sure whether his romeo has been able to get the much deserved attention from the girl next window... in the girls hostel! Well definitely a wonderful attempt.

Reflections:

Kaleidoscope like many others often is moved by the monsoon sky in its strokes and paintings... Some of the reflections that he could capture:

Just before the sunset... even if there is a momentary space for the sun to show its face... reflections are everywhere. 

 Raindrops do provide the ripple effects...


Monochromes are as usual nostalgic...

Kaleidoscope finds enough reason to describe his workplace - a wonderland... 

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Living with and living without




Kaleidoscope finds a constant flash from the yellow link light of his old looking and dusty modem in last week. Somehow he knows that it is an indication of another catastrophic BSNL hi speed internet failure which fails rapidly but takes ages to restore. Kaleidoscope lives with internet for quite sometime and can't think of spending a single day without it.

He captures some images which represent the life without internet... symbolically though. Some of the samples -


Its like sitting around with bagful things to share but waiting for the link (remember the yellow light)



Or its like Get Set STOP wait for the signal...



But now Kaleidoscope is habituated to live without internet. First with his change in job from Management heaven to the College at the industrial hell! And now with BSNL catastrophe.


Kaleidoscope does not miss this companion any more!!

But he is confused again. Kaleidoscope is confused whether his entire life surrounded by the multilayered worlds is just a habit of living in a particular structure? If he is going to be the same without the world which he often takes for granted? Is his entire life is just a habit of living in a given structure which is his comfort zone?


Kaleidoscope knows the quasi change of self positioning... he does so... and he is immediately uncomfortable, afraid and something like this -

So Kaleidoscope decides to call "The Queen" and end this confusion (unresolved).

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Shrove : The corpse and letting go



I am corpse from the past. I believe I am still here and writing nonsense in the blog because no one let me go! Its not that I have so many people who loved me and could not think of a world without my existence, rather it is my actions which made me unforgettable. It is my sins which made me stay and never allowed me to go. My heart stopped pumping yesterday or may be the day before (CAMUS? yeah I am not a good writer) how could I know? I am like many walking with a decomposed soul!

I think you have identified me. Its sweet thing that after a while after reading some nonsense suddenly it starts making sense. I know, I know its self reflection and I am part of you! You are facing the mirrored image.

You remember you lied? you lied to a person you felt most close to you? you remember you never kept promises which you should have? you remember your fickle nature killed so many souls and your too included?

I know you remembered...

Now let me say my story... I was alive and well... I was joyous, had dreams to make others happy... but unknowingly I was self centered. Nothing in this world was more important to me than myself. Can you identify two souls living with a single heart? Perhaps not. You need more explanation.
My first soul was the ideal soul - my expectation from me - to be happy, to make others happy, to be responsible, to be caring, to be sensitive and emotional who understands others!
My second soul was the real soul (of which I was long unaware) - I was not happy with myself and the way things were arranged, I never wanted others to be happy, I always looked for an excuse to escape from responsibilities, I never cared for others, I was not sensitive and emotional!

Now what killed my soul?

Its just the consciousness, yeah my awareness about the difference between my ideal and real soul killed my heart. It has stopped pumping - and yet I am here with decomposed soul, because nothing lets me go... I can not let me go